Everyday problems

Dealing with personal loss

We are not alone, we live in colonies and like all living things we spend a major portion of our lives interacting with others. Talking, crying,  laughing, shouting its all part of that interaction. All of these activities are monitored closely by our very own psychology. Our anger, hate ,fear, happiness and sadness its all part of who we are. We can not bottle one up, lock it and hope it goes away. 

Life is an ever changing phenomena. You are bound get bumped once or twice and hurt yourself. But there is always a choice. You can guide yourselves instead of leaving it to your daily whims, and avoid various mishaps. Even then you are going to get hurt once or twice. Feel sad or miserable. 

But remember "We are only burdened with those responsibilities and problems that we are able to carry"

Ask yourself "Why did i get attached in the first place?"
Looking at it logically getting attached to something or some one is only natural. When you spend a lot of time with some one or something you get used to them/it. Little by little you get emotionally involved and gradually you become vulnerable. Its only natural to feel void when its gone.

Now one might ask "if its only natural then whats the point this whole debate?" Hold your horses my friends,its only natural to feel loss, yes, but not letting it go and acting like its the end of the world is something you should never ignore.Its that attitude that compelled me to write this article.

How can i manage it?

Here i am not going to suggest any miraculous way that can solve your problems by just sitting and breathing techniques. I am here to make you understand the root cause of your distress and how to deal with it.Okay lets try to approach the problem systematically,

First you need to have an

UNDERSTANDING

Philip Brooks said" Be patient and understanding life is too short to be vengeful or malicious"

Ask yourself "Why am i so sad" 

Answer it as simple and as honestly as possible.Try to pinpoint the root cause of all your distress.

I am sad because my best fried fought with me over some silly .....................

I am sad because he/she did not trust me enough to tell me .........................

I am hurt because I lost my .....................
Now, you know, thats good

Thich Nhat Hanh said "Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument... No blame, no reasoning, no argument just understanding.If you understand and you show that you understand, you can love and the situation will change"

ACCEPTANCE

"The past can not be changed, forgotten, edited or erased it can only be accepted"

I know its a hard pill to swallow.Trust me i have been there i know.But you got to do it.No way around it i am afraid. You got to accept the reality, accept it with all your heart. Cry, shout if you had to but do not run away from it. Its there, it will always be there unless you accept it in your heart that it has come to pass and you can do nothing about it. Face the reality.

"Accept what is, let go of what was and have faith in what will be"

A wise man told me"The best way to escape from the past is not to avoid or forget it but to accept and forgive it"

LETTING GO

"Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise"

Kick it out. You should never let grief define who you are. You have already understood and accepted your pain, now its time for the final verdict. LET IT GO. The hard part of letting go is the more you try to let go, to forget, the stronger it tends to cling. Its only normal don't freak out. Let me share a little secret. Its a little trick that i picked on my own. The best way to let go is not to let go. (lol) confused, right. Let me explain, all you need to do is not to think of it consciously and whenever the thoughts present themselves don't beat them up, just accept them as they are and move on. Its easier said than done but gradually you will get the hang of it. With time your wounds will heal, you need to be patient and forbearing. 

Dodinsky said " Grieving is a necessary passage and a difficult transaction to finally letting go of sorrow - it is not a permanent rest stop"  

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I hope you guys benefit from it. If you need any advice you can contact me at drdrugh123@gmail.com