Everyday problems

Dealing with personal loss

We are not alone, we live in colonies and like all living things we spend a major portion of our lives interacting with others. Talking, crying,  laughing, shouting its all part of that interaction. All of these activities are monitored closely by our very own psychology. Our anger, hate ,fear, happiness and sadness its all part of who we are. We can not bottle one up, lock it and hope it goes away. 

Life is an ever changing phenomena. You are bound get bumped once or twice and hurt yourself. But there is always a choice. You can guide yourselves instead of leaving it to your daily whims, and avoid various mishaps. Even then you are going to get hurt once or twice. Feel sad or miserable. 

But remember "We are only burdened with those responsibilities and problems that we are able to carry"

Ask yourself "Why did i get attached in the first place?"
Looking at it logically getting attached to something or some one is only natural. When you spend a lot of time with some one or something you get used to them/it. Little by little you get emotionally involved and gradually you become vulnerable. Its only natural to feel void when its gone.

Now one might ask "if its only natural then whats the point this whole debate?" Hold your horses my friends,its only natural to feel loss, yes, but not letting it go and acting like its the end of the world is something you should never ignore.Its that attitude that compelled me to write this article.

How can i manage it?

Here i am not going to suggest any miraculous way that can solve your problems by just sitting and breathing techniques. I am here to make you understand the root cause of your distress and how to deal with it.Okay lets try to approach the problem systematically,

First you need to have an

UNDERSTANDING

Philip Brooks said" Be patient and understanding life is too short to be vengeful or malicious"

Ask yourself "Why am i so sad" 

Answer it as simple and as honestly as possible.Try to pinpoint the root cause of all your distress.

I am sad because my best fried fought with me over some silly .....................

I am sad because he/she did not trust me enough to tell me .........................

I am hurt because I lost my .....................
Now, you know, thats good

Thich Nhat Hanh said "Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument... No blame, no reasoning, no argument just understanding.If you understand and you show that you understand, you can love and the situation will change"

ACCEPTANCE

"The past can not be changed, forgotten, edited or erased it can only be accepted"

I know its a hard pill to swallow.Trust me i have been there i know.But you got to do it.No way around it i am afraid. You got to accept the reality, accept it with all your heart. Cry, shout if you had to but do not run away from it. Its there, it will always be there unless you accept it in your heart that it has come to pass and you can do nothing about it. Face the reality.

"Accept what is, let go of what was and have faith in what will be"

A wise man told me"The best way to escape from the past is not to avoid or forget it but to accept and forgive it"

LETTING GO

"Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise"

Kick it out. You should never let grief define who you are. You have already understood and accepted your pain, now its time for the final verdict. LET IT GO. The hard part of letting go is the more you try to let go, to forget, the stronger it tends to cling. Its only normal don't freak out. Let me share a little secret. Its a little trick that i picked on my own. The best way to let go is not to let go. (lol) confused, right. Let me explain, all you need to do is not to think of it consciously and whenever the thoughts present themselves don't beat them up, just accept them as they are and move on. Its easier said than done but gradually you will get the hang of it. With time your wounds will heal, you need to be patient and forbearing. 

Dodinsky said " Grieving is a necessary passage and a difficult transaction to finally letting go of sorrow - it is not a permanent rest stop"  

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I hope you guys benefit from it. If you need any advice you can contact me at drdrugh123@gmail.com

SOME GOOD AND BAD STUFF

A journey

The Big question: What is life? How will you define it? Is it total amount of time you have? 

For me it is like a tunnel. We begin our journey empty handed; we learn to navigate the tunnels as we move on. There are many dangers, hurdles and exciting adventures waiting to be explored. The path we tread on will be treacherous and dangerous. Sometimes it will be dark and sometimes it will be bright. But, eventually, like it or not we all reach the end of the tunnel.

Let me ask you another question: Do you have what it takes to navigate, protecting yourself and your loved ones, through these unknown lands? Become a beacon of light in the impeding darkness when it befalls your family, trying to procure a better, a safer path? For those of you, who are just beginning your journey, I have couple of leaflets, some directions that might help to secure a safer passage

           1.  Don’t look back

Why? Why cant i look back? Would i be turned to stone?

You can look back all you want. But ask yourself. Can you change it? Can you do something about it? No you cannot, if not, then what’s the point, all you can do is to learn from it and move on.

Remember “every saint has a past”. We all stumble at some points of our lives. The trick is to never stop walking, get a grip, pull yourself up, dust yourself and keep moving forward.

Do you know the best way to escape hell? It’s to keep walking. Remember “it’s all right to look back and learn from your mistakes but don’t dwell on it, do not linger. Keep moving.”  

     2.  The Present

Do I live in my present?

Always remember “past is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a present”

Know and realize that your preset is more important than past and even the future. It is just like a present, so that you may shape your future. With the right tools and resources the present becomes a blank check.

Do not dwell on how you will manage. Just do your best and live your life to its fullest. A wise man once told me "Try to live your life in day tight compartments". Don’t worry about tomorrow just live in the present.

     3.  Fear of failure

What is failure? What am I really afraid of?

Failure is a matter of perspective. It is that fear of failure that keeps us from trying, holding us back and impeding our success. But the wonderful thing about failure is how you to choose to look at it. For some it will be the end of the world, for others it will just be like a stepping stone. We always have a choice.

We only fear the unknown. It’s like a monster in our closet. So why not face it? I know it’s easier said than done but when you face it, it will be gone.

Let run a diagnosis. Ask yourself: What am I really afraid of? What are the demons that haunt me?

Have you ever noticed that you always feel threatened at crucial development of your life? It is those turning points of your life that you admit to yourselves, are bigger than you are. In this case it’s the fear.

You can be paralyzed and do nothing or you can face it and change your life forever. As I said before it’s your choice. It’s all a matter of perspective. But if you choose to stand and fight then you need to look at it more objectively. 

Step back and ask yourself "What am I really afraid of?"

Keep on thinking and find the big bad wolf that keeps haunting you in your dreams:

•  I am afraid that I won’t get accepted in college
• I am afraid that I won’t pass the exams
• I am afraid that I won’t procure enough funds

Okay that’s better, now you have pinned down your fear in to a concrete actual objective. Once you understand why and what you are afraid of, you can devise a plan and tackle your problems, systematically.

4.  Stop comparing

Do I compare myself?

We always want to see how far we have gone, how much we have gained and for that we need some sort of a reference. Like when you are telling someone directions. You usually say it’s this far from here or form there. So you always have a reference point. In this regard, it is completely normal to compare yourself with others, but it comes at a great cost. Whatever the reason, you should never compare yourself with others.

Why should I stop comparing? What are its demerits?

When you compare, it can only have one of the two possible outcomes. You can either be happy resulting in a boost to your self-esteem and feeding your ego or the results can land a serious fatal blow to your self-confidence. The first case scenario you will become overconfident and look down on people, which is not desirable trait in a person, and in the second case you will impede your own success due to low self esteem.

How can I stop?

Remember as Eleanor Roosevelt said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"

Whenever you find yourself in this predicament. Don’t beat or demoralize yourself. It’s completely normal. Tell yourself to STOP THAT and gently shift your focus on your strengths rather than your weakness. Learn to see and appreciate what you have in life.

5.  Do not try to please everyone

Am i trying to please everyone?

                                                                                                     

It is one of the most important things to look out for. You need to ask yourself if you are one of those who ask themselves these questions

• What will people say if I ……………………
• What will they think if I …………
• What will he/she say/think if I …………………

Remember “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”

I am not asking you to be disrespect or disregard anyone, but to speak your mind. Stop trying to please everyone. There are countless number of people on planet each having a unique fingerprint, a unique face and voice. Likely they also have their own ideals, motives and own thoughts. So, you can’t possibly please everyone. It is impossible. Just STOP IT. Live your life to its fullest. Listen and respond in gentle. Do not disrespect or disregard anyone and stay true to your goals. Remember “Always keep your eyes on the prize.”